TV Doctor Showdown! Dr Gregory House MD

This All Scubbed Up series gets underneath the fake blood, fake smiles and excessive use of shock paddals…

Who? Dr Gregory House MD
His Playground? House MD

An impersonal genius who harks back to the glory days of chauvinistic medicine.

Hot or Not: [3 out of 10] – No better looking than Dr Cox. I might get hit with the cane if he doesn’t like this answer.

Apparent Medical Skill: [8 out of 10] – A few good ideas, and a lot of luck. Excessive use of trial and error method. The bugger often treats up to 6 differentials - poor patients end up undergoing numerous cardiac arrests, seizures and anaphylactic reactions. Seizure hit-rate way too high for one doctor!

Bedside Manner: [3 out of 10] – Issues with race. Obsessed with white boards and black markers. Patients would hate him. Students would be amused… and then terrified. No-one likes the guy who says what we’re all actually thinking. Horrible rash, Dr House. Well, that’s fine, at least he won’t have to live with it for more than a week – being dead and all.

Ability to survive in Baragwanath: [6 out of 10] – Patient contact way too high. Bara is like a clinic-time hell. And patient histories would pose a problem. What would really kill it though is that his rare diagnostic skills would be absolutely wasted. Bara just doesn’t seem to get the incidence of rare tropical diseases that plagues his poor hospital. From leprosy to Cushing’s in an afternoon? Then again, arguing with myself – he’s got a super team. They have this uncanny ability to be porters, radiographers, psychologists, investigative reporters, hospital management, lab technicians, devilishly good-looking and rare-disease-diagnostic-experts all in one. THAT would be useful. The porters at Bara have tea.

What would I say if I woke up in his ward? Not much. He wouldn’t be there.

Doctor Showdown SCORE
[5 out of 10]

He’s everyone’s anti-hero. Personality of a huggable walrus. Too high maintenance. Manto wouldn’t tolerate him.