Monday, November 27, 2006

Red Bull + Jagermeister = Rape Cocktail

Spotted in The Saturday Star, a wonderfully non-investigative lambasting of Energy Drink Cocktails. Hold on tight - this one's gonna get tabloid.

Firstly, let's state the obvious. People who drink a lot, don't remember what happens to them. Duh. Yes, by adding stimulants like caffeinated energy drinks, you're slightly masking how drunk you really are. But the cold hard truth remains, it's not the energy drinks causing young girls to wake up in a stranger's bed - it's the 7 vodkas that got mixed with it.

Nothing has changed. You drink 7 vodkas. You get plonked.

So, let's analyse. The article reads like a high-school scare poster. BIG warnings about drinking energy drinks, going to the bathroom in pairs an avoiding scary men... but coffee and espresso cause the same medical issues! If you suffer from high blood pressure or pre-existing heart disease, even a wild afternoon in the coffee shop can be as dangerous.

What they say is vague and generic enough to be true, but it's completely sensationalist. Can you imagine the ignorant, the parents and the tee-totalers running around all panicky over the cheeky Red Bull they had last night? To compare it to Rohypnol is irresponsible and likely to attract a lawsuit from both Red Bull and Jagermeister, who have been plastered over this article like a Tokoloshe on the front page of the Daily Sun! What could have been a scientific re-examination of an old argument, shed in some kind of new light, has been turned into tabloid rubbish.

Christine/Shereen (the esteemed journalists), please focus on the real dangers that beset ladies in the clubbing world. Real, scary drugs that get slipped in people's drinks all the time. And the big bad men that do it. Not this crap.

If you don't believe us? Trust the Google Diagnosis (that wonderful laymans approach to Googling your symptoms or suspected problems). In fact, there's so much Google Diagnosis that I'm convinced The Saturday Star was on a tight deadline and rehashed the same crap that's been around for as long as drunk kids in clubs. Please, oh please, take the following articles with a pinch of salt!


Andy Hadfield said...

Although I obviously take some offence on behalf of the big mad male race... I also reckon this is a bad rehash. I HOPE Jager and Bull sue. In fact, I'm having one right now out of principle! Just one though. Otherwise I might die.

What does everyone think about the rehash?

gav said...

Bad rehash? I’m going to have to stick my neck out here and side with the sensational journalists. Like them, I have no scientific proof to work off other than my own experiences ... don’t kid yourself guys, this stuff is dangerous.

I’m going to tell you of how I once drank 7 ‘double vodka Red Bulls’ at a rather posh event, broke my own personal record of 60 push-ups in a minute in front of a bemused audience, stood up and promptly fell over. Now if any woman, of any ugliness, had helped me up at this point, I would have smiled happily and gladly obliged to perform any sexual act with her/it. Given that I could hardly feel my arms from the push-ups you can visualize how helpless I would have been to resist any of her evil desires. Point taken? And it’s very addictive. After ruthlessly vowing to never use this ‘energy drink’ with my alcohol again, 22 hours 4 minutes later I was mildly surprised how easily I (very strong willed of course) accepted an unknown number of jager-bombs. The details of what followed cannot be mentioned ... partly because I can’t remember, partly because the lawsuit is still in progress. Point taken?

Seriously, just drink in moderation …yeah … solid advice there, wanker. Ok, but no seriously. Everybody knows, from the big breasted 14 year olds that manage to get into clubs (where were these kids when I was 14? Still upsets me) to the old horny geriatrics that stand in the shadowy corners of clubs gazing at those 14 year olds, and whom I’m inspired to emulate when I reach that age, knows about date raping/drugs/spiking drinks. So if you are out to create awareness, trying to enlighten people about the dangers of date raping, stories of Rohypnol and other drugs is just not going to cut it. Warning us of the dangers of such drinks as jager-bombs is far more useful to everyone and may be not such a bad idea. Sensationalism? Hey baby, hate the game not the player – would we read this stuff if it was not sensationalized? Point taken?

My advice: Drink Castle Milk Stout. It’s good for you and as Andy is learning, will make you ripped. Overindulging on these puppies is difficult and is comparable to downing 5 loaves of whole-wheat bread, without butter. And for you ladies worried about getting some free love from spiked drinks, I can almost guarantee that if you are sucking on a stout at the bar, only descent genuine men will approach you (like myself), if at all any.