Friday, March 9, 2007

A Doctor's Drivethru

What a week. You think MY job is glamorous?

60 Itchy Throats
50 Snotty Noses
30 Episodes of Gastro
10 Depression Cases
ZERO Rare Tropical Diseases.
And a patridge with a swollen knee.

ER is a but a dream right now. I'm going to start a doctor's drivethru.

State your 5 main symptoms. Answer 3 easy questions. 40% of patients get Combo Script 1 (Nose spray Deluxe, no cheese, side order paracetomol). 40% get Combo Script 2 (Super Size Probiotics with the Anti-Spasmodic special). Only 20% get to sit down and order off the menu.

I'm going to bed.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

My doctor claims she has 3 new HIV cases a day (10%)? That's in a upper middle class practice mainly serving white south africans... what's the ratio for you?

SA Doc said...

Mmmm. Unless that's a really large practice - it sounds like a helluva lot. The whole practice gets about 1 new "white" HIV case per month - in a very busy practice. Obviously not every white person gets an HIV test - and remember, it's very dangerous to judge these things based on skin colour. Inter-racial relationships are commonplace thesedays...

Vaughn said...

3 a day?! Maybe their tests are broken; sucks to be the patients.

Most people go to the doctor just to get a sick note, even when it's a pissy little cold that will get knocked out in two days with corenza c. I only go if I'm coughing up lung butter or my body is aching and/or feverish, else my immune system usually takes care of it eventually. When I ease up on the mtb training that is.

Anonymous said...

You're so cool.

Arps said...

hehe.... nice "combo pack" thing u have going there...
lol!!

Andy Hadfield said...

I would take a combo pack. anytime...