Found these at The Doctor's Lounge. Not from real Doctor's. Obviously. Well. Maybe.
*The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
*The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
*Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
*She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
*The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
*Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)
*Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
*A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.
*The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
*Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
*She is numb from her toes down.
*Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
*The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
*When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
*Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
*She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
*She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
*Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
*The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
*I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
*Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
*I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
*Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
*The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
*Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
*The patient has no past history of suicides.
*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
*Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
*Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
*The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
*Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
*He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
*The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
*The patient refused an autopsy.
*Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
*The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
*The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
The bloody brits... What will they chain-letter next :)
