All Scrubbed Up

Both SA Doc and I are hot-tailin' it to Sodwana tomorrow... No posts for 5 days - but if we get eaten by a shark - you can have the blog!

Yikes. SA Doc reckons this just can't be. The Eastern Cape, maybe? Or... maybe this is just generic and some horrible South African has unfairly slapped Mpumalanga into the mud :) Funny though. 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with B only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetfu...

His little pellets, nay, pearls of wisdom keep us amused every Tuesday, nay, We-eh-eh-ednesday night. I though we should all learn from them :) More here . [to an annoying patient] Dr. Cox : Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now. Jill Tracy : So you do scary little speeches. How adorable. Dr. Cox : ...And bam! The shine's off the apple. And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man-eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa-whoa, here she comes" kind of man-eater. I'm talking about the kind that uses ...

MedStory . It's not that new - but new enough to have the funny mark called BETA. Andy tells me that means "still buggy". So I checked it out. Medstory is quite cool. It offers fairly good search results - that seem at first glance to come from reputable sites. It also offers an alternative search into research articles . That function should make the students happy, or anyone doing basic research for medical projects. The problem with Google is the crap between the good stuff. And if you don't have a considerable degree of medical experience, it's often quite hard to tell the two apart. See our post on Googling your Symptoms . It also cross correlates your search results to drugs, conditions, research centres, genes and a couple of other things. It also (if you call now) cross correlates to NIH grants, News Media and Clinical Trials. But the problem with all search engines that approach this topic remains. The site is only as strong as it stupidest user. Medicine...

This is being email around a bit at the moment. Allegedly, it's an MTV advert that got banned pretty quickly by the US Government. Whether that's true or not, I'm not sure... but the message is pretty strong. (text next to building) 2863 people died. (text next to man) 40 million people are infected with HIV worldwide. The world united against terrorism. It should also be united against AIDS. It was actually part of a series - according to the email. World Hunger. Unemployment etc. Can anyone confirm whether this was an actual campaign? Or just a product of the overactive net?

There are two myths I want to debunk. 1. HIV people are just going to die. 2. HIV people don't deserve to have children because they'll just pass on the virus. Just chatting to friends, it amazes me sometimes how ignorant we all are about HIV. That includes certain Doctor friends - and I'm not harping on about promiscuous behaviour. I'm talking about the understanding of where modern medicine has got us. Basically, to the point where people who are infected with HIV can lead normal, healthy lives. And have children if they want to. This all sparked off from an article I read in the Sunday Times on the 18th March 2007. I can't find it now - but it basically covered the heart-warming story of an HIV positive couple, living in a Cape Town township who were too poor to afford the correct medical means to have a baby when you're living with the disease - but did the best they could. They both took ARV's, got their viral loads as low as possible and had a baby. A...

I read about so many hangover cures. Raw eggs, McDonalds, Bloody Mary's (with vodka) and other such trivialities. But nothing beats the good 'ol cure I learnt at Baragwanath. Jet Fuel. Ingredients: * 1 x drunken sod * 4 cups IV saline + glucose * a pinch of Vitamin B Co * a teaspoon of B12 * a teaspoon of Thiamine * a dollop of CalMag (calcium + magnesium) Administer all with 14 guage jellco - that's like the shotgun approach to needles. Right as rain in no time. I've offered it out - while the hungover boys watch sport, I'll catherterise them and hook them up to the IV. They refused. Don't know why?

Our hardcore SA med students could not have been responsible for these. Must have been the Americans. We were? Really? Oh dear. The body: "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax, the heart and lungs; and the abominable cavity, the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." Respiration: "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire" Respiration: "Respiration consists of two acts: first inspiration, then expectoration." Cardiovascular: "The three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, veins, and caterpillars." Gastrointestinal: "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Alabama." Dentistry: "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors." Orthopaedics: "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides ha...

Dear SA Doc, Living with a doctor is a trying, gruesome experience. And while it has its pharmaceutical benefits - it remains a puzzling past time. Just why, why did you put up with 6 years of studying, 2 years of community service and then sick people (30 times a day) for the rest of your working life. Perhaps this will help. Got it off Diane's blog . SA Doc replies: "Sane. Very hardworking. Nice Attitude. Hate Adults. Oh shit... I should be in Paediatrics." Try it out - which part of this bizarre career would you end up in? SA Doc obviously needs a change :)

Har. Har. Mutant Jeans. :) Check more of these out here .

People. Myprodol is NOT some wonder drug. It is Panado, Brufen and a bit of codeine. Those are garden variety meds. It's. Not. Pethidine. Ooh. Pethidine. (Read more about Myprodol here )

I think its very funny when men come to the practice, sporting problems with their nether regions. They, the nether people, come in two varieties: ONE . So self conscious about having a doctor examine anywhere below the fluff, that they barely open their pants to show me the goods. What do they think? I'm going to jump them, or laugh? Are they worried about getting an erection? Or are they good, ol' fashioned shy? Maybe it's because men don't often have to show their dangly bits to anyone besides their mother... I can't treat it, if I can't see it! Women on the other hand, have to endure at least yearly checkups, lying spread-eagled on a cold bed doing the nasty with steel speculums. Do you see us worrying? TWO . So overconfident about his manhood that he parades it around like a clown on a bicycle. Even after I've examined him, this specimen proudly stands around, pants at ankles, admiring me and his raging boner. Pull your pants up, dude . What do they exp...

We've put up a hang of lot of House MD quotes. Almost 50 to be exact. He is just that cool. And NOW... we find a site that just has it all. The kind lad posted a comment on the last House article and I reckon he deserves a punt. Visit his site here .

The last in the batch. Drip. Drip. Sarcasm. Ain't it cool? Dr. Gregory House : [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Short, sweet, grab a file. Dr. Gregory House : This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will. [to Lisa] Dr. Gregory House : That is true, isn't it? [to crowd] Dr. Gregory House : But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of ...