All Scrubbed Up

When all else fails, turn to the wisdom of the G-Man. It's Ali. On Medicine. HAR. HAR!

HERE's a story. After all the debate around the possibility of using Ubuntu to roll out a cheap technology infrastructure to aid SA hospitals - it seems like someone took notice. Whether the Premier, Mr Mbhazima Shilowa (who looks absolutely DASHING in his jazz hat) reads All Scrubbed Up or not is another question. But hark the sounds of technology actually helping the patient situation. Reported in the Citizen recently... Shilowa also announced that long queues at provincial hospitals and clinics could soon be a thing of the past, should the government’s smart-card plan materialise. In his State of the Province address he painted a picture of a paperless information system that would ensure speedy access to healthcare in all communities, especially for chronically ill patients. He said the province would develop a computerised card system so patients would just have to “swipe” their cards when rushed into hospital for medical emergencies or when collecting medicines. “This sys...

It started a couple of days ago, as reported on IOL . Outshone by colleagues who were brimming with good health at a cabinet cluster briefing in Cape Town on Thursday, Health Minister Dr Manto Tshabalala-Msimang became an object of pity and embarrassment. And continued yesterday as reports flooded the media of the honorable Tshabalala-Msimang descending onto a ventilator at Joburg General private section. Tshabalala-Msimang's health has been under the microscope since she returned to duty earlier this year - after a long illness. She was admitted to the same hospital last year for several weeks suffering from a lung infection. Her spokesman, Sibani Mngadi, confirmed she was being treated for severe anaemia and residual pleural effusion (fluid in the lining of the lungs). Now, we would never wish this on anyone. Even though she's done some pretty pathetic things - health is health. And, somewhere deep inside, our beloved Manto understands some of the primary care issues facing...

Having a dearth of creative medical stuff. In times like these, always wise to turn to the wisdom of this centuries most sarcastic TV Doctor. Gregory House MD. Got these here . And edited for the particularly funny and medical ones. More comin'. Dr. Cameron : Men should grow up. Dr. Gregory House : Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen. Dr. Wilson : Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth. Dr. Gregory House : And triteness kicks us in the nads. Dr. Eric Foreman : I think your argument is specious. Dr. Gregory House : I think your tie is ugly. Dr. Wilson : That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality. Dr. Gregory House : Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain. Dr. Gregory House : Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot. Dr. Wilson : [Wilson is quoting a poem from a patient of House's] 'The h...

Recently spotted on iAfrica.com . Medical scheme, Discovery Health, is investigating claims made by fraud convict Schabir Shaik for his 76-day stay at a Durban hospital, the Sunday Times reported. Yeah. Isn’t it great when your medical aid is working for you. Making sure dodgy claims get thoroughly investigated before implementing a rate hike to cover its losses. Shaik, a dependent on his wife Zuleika's Discovery medical scheme, was admitted to a private hospital, St Augustine's, where the cost of his bed alone totals more than R150 000. His admission into hospital, 16 days after his prison term commenced, sparked an outcry from medical experts and the public. No shit, Sherlock! R150k just on a bed is a cause for concern! So is the very fortunate timing of our beloved fraudster taking ill. I wonder what’s wrong with the poor man? Nothing a quick stint at Bara won’t fix?

Aha. Carte Blanche agrees - circumcision can almost HALVE your risk of contracting HIV. Yet no-one believed us when we said it ... The show is playing currently, but they should have the backup research studies on their site soon. Jury out? There are some telling articles on the net. Try this one . It used to be called the unkindest cut. But now the head of the one of the world's largest Aids charities believes we are on the brink of a revolution in attitudes to circumcision. Richard Feachem, executive director of the Global Fund to Fight Aids, Tuberculosis and Malaria, said research revealing the protective effect of circumcision against HIV was set to change parental expectations and medical practice across the world. Instead of viewing the operation as an assault on the male sex, it was increasingly being seen as a lifesaving procedure which every parent would want for their sons. Removing the foreskin is thought to harden the glans (head) of the penis, making it less permeable...

More, more, more SCRUBS. Yes. It's funny, it's serious, it makes a point - and it's got doctors. What more could you want!? This one below is a little bloopers clip shown on TV a while back. There's much more of this stuff on YouTube . Just do a search! Brought to you by: Scrubs may make light of the relationship between Doctors, Nurses and other medical professionals. But there is nothing new about the requirement for them to have a CMS surety bond .

Sometimes, when days at the private practice get a bit dull, I think back to the good ‘ol days at Baragwanath. Those 30 hour calls when all you ate was a Bar One. Those frantic trips, wheeling a patient over to X-Rays (Porters? What porters?) JUST to escape a whining aunty. Those blissful moments where you scream back at the psychotics. And those daydreams of actually having sex in the on-call room. Contrary to popular belief, and a horrible TV doctor culture – DOCTORS DON’T ACTUALLY SHAG ALL OVER THE HOSPITAL. Back to the aunties. It gets me thinking about the culture of health. South Africa is such a racially and culturally diverse country, that you’re bound to encounter some gems. As Doctors, believe it or not, we've got our favourites. Here's the rundown: WHITE PATIENTS: White patients believe the world owes them a favour. Why? I don’t know. If you aren't doing moving the earth for them (and they will check that by getting 3 consults) - there MUST be something wrong ...

Oh my. What truly goes on in the halls of those dank hospitals, at 4am, with little sleep, and a little raiding of the medical supplies. HAR. HAR. This cracked me up. Anyone who doesn't watch Scrubs . Well, silly you.

Picture the scene. Early morning admissions. I woke up early, ready to cure the world (as one does). Man comes in. His file, under previous admissions has this one, fairly interesting entry. "Admitted, xx/xx/xxxx, severe bite to penis". Cool! Morbid doctor curiousity sets in. So, baba, how can I help you today? "She did it again." Dude. This second presenting case of penis bite had more than half the foreskin hanging off. Meaning it had to have been almost ENTIRELY inside "her" mouth when it got bit. You've got to start wondering about the mentality here! Once bitten twice shy? Evidently not. Although mildy amusing, this is an interesting example of the moral dilemmas that beset us Doc's every day. What if this was a rape? Gotta treat him anyway. What if you wanted to call him an idiot and tell him not to force the bloody thing where it's obviously not wanted? Can't. Gotta treat him anyway. Sometimes it's hard to stay distant. I hope I...